The Pink Herald

Memorial Day is approaching and with that, a tradition we started 13 years ago will take place at the Sacramento National Veteran’s Cemetery, in Dixon, California. I will preface this by saying I am the daughter, niece, wife, and mother of Army veterans. My youngest daughter was just six years old when we started placing “Pennies on the Graves”. My oldest son, and her oldest sibling, was deployed to Afghanistan when this tradition started.

Over the years, we pay our respects to those who gave all by placing a penny on their tombstone. When my daughter was still young, she would pick out the stone, I would read the name, branch, rank, any wars fought in and their birth and death years. Then a penny would be placed and “thank you for your service” was said.

I’m sure some of you reading this are asking, “why a penny”? This placing of the penny, coins really, became popular during the Vietnam War era. It was during a time where our military wasn’t treated with the respect they deserved. This was an anonymous way to visit a grave, pay your respects, while letting families know someone cared about their fallen loved one.

The coin denominations each have a special meaning.

• Penny: Simply indicates a visit to the grave. 
• Nickel: Suggests the visitor and the deceased served together at boot camp. 
• Dime: Indicates the visitor and the deceased served together at some point. 
• Quarter: Signifies that the visitor was present when the deceased passed away.

We usually visit 50 to 100 graves every year. Over the years, we have been followed by people, asked what we are doing, given head nods by those who understood our presence, and have had the privilege of meeting families visiting their fallen loved one. Meeting the families is the most special aspect of our visits. We are humbled by their gratitude and sometimes given a glimpse into the life of the grave we visit. We occasionally have shared our pennies with those who wished they had a few to leave as well.

Our second year hit me the hardest and made me the most proud. We had one penny left. My daughter chose the grave of a young serviceman, because there was a liquor bottle left next to it. That was something she hadn’t seen before. As I read the information to her, I stopped. I was struggling to speak and tears were threatening to fall. It was at that moment, my daughter looked up at me and asked what was wrong. The young Marine (I believe that was the branch he had been in), had only been 19 years old when he died. It was the same age as my deployed son and her brother. My daughter simply turned back to the tombstone, knelt down, and hugged it.

She said, “it’s the only way I could say thank you”. Tears fell freely at that point. My empathetic child understood the sacrifice that was made. I did ask her to stay there so I could take a picture. I took pictures every year, but I needed this pic; just for me.

There have been a couple years we haven’t made it to the Veterans’ Cemetery, but all cemeteries have a veterans’ section and we have carried out our tradition there. For us, it’s not about politics, if we agree with this war or that, or what other people may think of this. It’s about paying respect to those, who at some point, put their lives on the line for our country.

My daughter has been old enough to read for many years now. We complete rows, together, each reading, saying thank you, and placing our pennies. She already speaks of carrying this tradition on with her children.

Every year, I extend invitations to meet at the cemetery and share this tradition. So, should you have a little time, please gather some pennies, head to your local cemetery, look for the graves that have flags (easiest way to spot a military grave), leave a penny and a thank you.